Life Update: Alcohol and Me
I just turned 31. I feel good about it.
I had an incredibly fun 31st birthday, surrounded by people I love. I danced, I sang, I crowd surfed, I hugged & kissed my friends, and I baked cookies with my grandmother (we call her ‘Nanny’).
I feel ready to do more of what I love, and to let go of (or at least to accept) more of what I don’t.
I just made this little IG reel, compiling a bunch of awesome and silly moments from the last 2 months. I think it represents, very well, what life has felt like the past year. A ton of fun, lots of travel, lots of time with friends, and just doing a lot - all the while understanding that I’m probably doing too much to be able to process and experience all of this fully.
Reflecting on how much happened in these past two months was really nice, but was also a stark reminder of how fast life can blast on by if you’re not paying close attention.
I need more of this deliberate reflection time.
Last year, when I turned 30, I shared a big blog post of 30 of my most important life lessons I’d learned. Then I only shared 6 more blog posts, which I wouldn’t classify as a terrible effort, but I definitely want to write more this year.
Can you please hold me to that?
Several weeks back I met with my business partner Gavin and a friend, Josh, who is also a mentor and business advisor, for our quarterly review at threesixfive. Gav and I were explaining that we’ve historically struggled to stick to and execute on our “rocks”, which are our big quarterly goals within the business. My rocks have mostly been tied to writing, and Josh was able to cut through the bullshit immediately, by asking why I wasn’t consistently writing.
When I told him it was because I was sleeping in a bit more and losing time in the morning, he asked why I needed the extra sleep. When I told him that was because I was having social drinks one or twice a week - which was killing my sleep schedule and routine - he said “okay great, then that’s your new rock this quarter: no drinking.”
Rather than setting another big, ambitious goal around what I wanted to accomplish, my goal was to remove the greatest inhibitor that was stopping me from doing what I knew I needed/wanted to.
I went two weeks cold turkey and felt fantastic. I was up early every day, feeling creative, getting into flow, and feeling connected to a greater sense of purpose.
Then I got cocky and changed the rules.
Rather than zero drinks, I said I’d allow myself two per week, but it had to be on a single night, and it had to be a weekend. I lasted about four days before I had three drinks on a Wednesday night, opening the floodgates and resulting in a six-drink night on a Saturday which sent me into a tail spin and a funk/depression/low that lasted about three weeks.
I took the rest of November off off and it felt great. I had two drinks one night in early December and I did not like the way it made me feel. I had a few drinks this past weekend, with colleagues on a work trip, and I had a blast.
I’ve known for a long time that booze seems (not always, but too much of the time) to affect me differently than most folks. Where many seem to feel more fun, loose, and energized when drinking, about 80+% of the time it just makes me tired, dull, and maybe a bit sad?
I wouldn’t say that I crave alcohol.
I think what I battle most are addictions to comfort and escapism - which take many forms (booze, my phone, tv, food). When I have 2 drinks on a Tuesday night, I think I’m just subconsciously looking for respite from the responsibilities in my life; the hard work I know I need to do to grow my company into what I know it can be, the discipline required to do the writing I keep saying I’m going to do, the inner work I know I need to do to be a healthy, happy and whole(ish) human who really loves themself.
It sounds so easy when I write it out like this:
Just stop drinking!
But I love sharing a glass of wine with my friends? I love the taste. I love the ritual and decorum.
Just put your phone in a drawer!
But my phone is in the drawer right now and I can feel an invisible string tugging at my wrist, beckoning.
I don’t think I need to cut alcohol out of my life entirely, but I know I need to be much more honest about how it affects me, and more selective with when I choose to indulge. When I say ‘indulge’ I mean even a single drink, because I’m finding one single beer or glass of wine can throw off my sleep and my entire week.
I don’t think it would be productive (I feel compelled to edit that dirty word ‘productive’, but it’s what came out and I think that’s important to pay attention to, so I’ll leave it) to renounce my iPhone, but I’d definitely like to look at less instagram stories and stupid reels/memes. They’re hilarious, but there are so many other things I’d rather be doing like watching great films, reading, writing, cooking or staring at a nice tree.
In his book “A New Earth”, Eckhart Tolle suggests that when we do the creative work we are called to do or when we spend time in nature, we are able to reach an elevated state of consciousness, and that when we drink alcohol we fall to a level of consciousness “below thought”, which, he admits, can feel like a nice escape from the chaos of our own minds. In my opinion, I’ve been chasing too much of the latter, and I definitely want to work toward more of the former. Consistent yoga practice has been a really big help with is in recent weeks.
Simply put, my relationship with alcohol and my phone have been preventing me from experiencing life with the kind of presence, awareness, and fullness I know I am capable of.
And I’d really like to change that.
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Feel free to send me an email at dave@threesixfive.ca if you have any questions or ideas!
Thanks!